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Lean On Me.

14 Dec

Soooo, I wrote this on March 1, 2016 and I just found it today. I just want to thank God for his divine order and protection. Today is/was rough until I found this. This reminder is RIGHT ON TIME!!! I have no idea why it never made it to the blog (and yes I know I haven’t posted in a while – updates on life will be posted later) but I guess today is the day.

Lean On Me.

My conversation with God this morning was more of plea. As I’ve stated in my previous post. My mantra for this year is I will enjoy all the blessings God has given me.

I didn’t reflect on 2015 on the blog because I feel like it didn’t stop. This journey is still continuing from my expectations from last year. God has given me everything I asked for and beyond. I don’t want to sound boastful or anything but I really think it is because I am learning to align my desires with his. 2015 was a fight and a blessing all wrapped up into one huge experience.

As i look back I can see the why, how’s and what I need to do now.

But when tell you that when God gives you something. Whatever your something is he will also give you instructions on how to do it. This is the reminder I keep telling myself. Lord, now tell me what and how I’m supposed to do this.

It relieves my stress, anxiety and fear to fail. I can’t fail when  know that I’m leaning on him and not my own understanding. My own standing would not have me sitting in the seat or life that I’m experiencing now.

So, Father yes, I will lean, rest, whatever on you. Because i don’t know any other way.

Unafraid,

Christine K~

Love.

17 May

It can be one of the most hurtful, chaotic, and exuberant feelings in the world. Quite frankly, if I could be honest, if I had a choice I don’t think I would choose love. I do not like feeling out of control. Yes, I am saying you cannot control. I could be wrong but that is where my state of mind is right now as I’m writing.

I do not like the feeling. The action, yes. The feelings…no. I do not want to feel. You that feeling of:

No choice but to hurt.
No choice but to laugh.
No choice but to feel insecure.
No choice but to strive for faithfulness.
No choice but to hope for a lifetime of happiness.

No choice but to feel this total out of body experience. That you weirdly and subconsciously choose.

But why am I choosing this?!?!?!

Why do I chose to love my enemies? When I really want to smack the living daylights out of them.

Let’s reflect for a moment…..Why did we choose to love?

Is it because we were created with the sense and urge to feel belonged. To express love the way God loved us.

To feel a warmth no one can explain but you.

To feel a power to conquer for the sake of loving.

To fight and protect for the one you love.

I don’t know just wondering….why we chose it.

Unafraid,

Christine K.

 

 

I AM THE NEW GIRL

11 Apr

I forgot what it felt like to be the New Girl. Sure, there’s something a little exciting about being the New Girl. Maybe the New Girl will be wildly accepted and instantly popular. Maybe people will find her mysterious but not threatening. Maybe the New Girl will find a place where she can grow and flourish…Or maybe the New Girl will just be that, another nameless face in the revolving door of the Christian church.

Today it dawned on me that I AM THE NEW GIRL! (insert dramatic pause)  This is a HUGE change. A few years ago I was very comfortable and active in my church. I felt accepted and welcome. I looked forward to Sunday worship and Bible study. I volunteered countless hours in the ministry. I studied at home so that I could be a better servant. I did this without hesitation because I was part of something bigger than me. I was part of a community. Fast forward to today….I am searching for a new community.  

Every Sunday I walk into a church and I don’t know anyone. I’m not a part of the group. I don’t have friends to sit with. I don’t know the pastor’s name, the church mission or the church beliefs. I don’t even know where the bathrooms are. I am the New Girl. Every week Christian community encounter visitors. There are enumerable New Girls I feel like we’re a forgotten group without a spokesman. So today, I’m speaking up. Here’s what I want you to know about the many New Girls that you meet.

1.       I want to belong. I want to be accepted.

2.       It’s not easy walking into a new church. Everyone has well established roles and I have to figure out where I fit in.

3.       I’m self-conscious. I hope that I’m dressed appropriate for your church. If I’m not please don’t point this out to me.

4.       I want someone to smile at me and say hello. It’s super important.

5.       I’ll need some help…I won’t know the words to every song, when to sit, when to stand or where the bathrooms are.

6.       I want to be appreciated but I don’t want to be singled out too much.

7.       I’m not a threat. I’m not here to take your church position. I’m also not the latest Jezebel to infiltrate your church.

8.       I’m nervous.

9.       I want accountability.

10.   I am a Christian. I’m forgiven. I’m secure in my salvation.  

11.   I have been hurt by church. So I might be a little apprehensive.

12.   I’m not into cliques. If you don’t know me that probably means that I don’t know you (just think about that).

13.   I love God.

14.   I want to learn and I want to grow spiritually.

15.   I might not come back. Don’t take it personal. Your church is awesome but it’s just not the place for me.

Unapologetically,

Arizona R. AKA The New Girl 

Birthday Behavior

27 Feb

So, yesterday was my birthday. It was a pretty awesome week. Really the month of February has been amazing.

Usually, I like to spend my day alone. My friends and family always get on me about it but over the years they have just become accustomed to my behavior. I just love the idea that this is the day God decided to bring me into the world and I don’t usually want to share it with anyone else.

I always wonder what was he thinking…why this day…why in cold…why my parents? Even though, I don’t really care about knowing the answers. I still like the idea of wondering about his thoughts for me. As we always say, God is so strategic.

This year, I’ve celebrated in small increments but I’ve had a blast. Every year, people always give me gifts, cards, hugs, phone calls and texts. However, this year it just seemed very different. I really don’t know why. It could be due to me opening up a little more, allowing others to experience and share in my joy. Who knows….

My motto for this year has been: “I’m happy. I’m overjoyed. God has given me so many precious gifts and I will enjoy each of them this year. No worries or stress. Only faith and love.”

Unafraid,

Christine K.

 

 

 

The Red Cup

11 Nov

Dear Christians,

I just want you to know that I’m saddened that you’ve united on such a simple issue. I call the issue simple because you are upset over a cup. Specifically, the design of the cup.  The color of the cup. When did we become so easily offendable that we believe everything is an attack against our religion? Are we so self-absorbed and distractible that we think everything and everyone is out to destroy our religion? News flash…this red cup was not targeted at us. It’s cup. Move on. Address real issues.

Unlike many of you, I live in a world that is a melting pot of religions, back grounds, race and gender. I don’t surround myself with like thinkers. I enjoy listening to other people’s perspectives.  I learn from them. I don’t judge, I don’t attack. It gives me an opportunity to see the world differently. It gives me a chance to touch more people and live a life more like Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus…Do you think that he would have protested the red cup? Nope. Would Jesus think that this cup was a representation of the world’s disdain of Christianity? Nope. Would he have defamed an entire organization (that employs fellow believers)? Nope. Would Jesus have held a Bible study at Starbucks while sipping a brew from a red cup? Yep. Shoot, Jesus probably would have turned water to coffee in today’s world LOL.  

Back to the real world. Have you ever asked someone about Christianity? Have you had a genuine conversation about Christianity with a non-believer or former believer? Have you taken a real look in the mirror? Have you looked that the problems that have silently infiltrated the church and too taboo to discuss over the pulpit? My guess is that you haven’t because if you had you wouldn’t be focused on a red cup.

Have you spoken with people that used to be Christians and completely reject the faith? Nope! Do you talk about the manipulation, sexism, idolatry, homophobia, racism and hate that have crept into our churches? Do you talk about the pedophiles that use their religious positions to molest and exploit children? Do we talk about other sexual deviants that’s target the men and women in the church? Do we talk about the hustlers that have elevated their game and now sell blessings? Do we talk about how the church leadership now resembles gang activity (If you have 10 armor bearers and 20 church members…You’re in a gang)? Do we talk about the church leaders that continue to use narcotics and street drugs? Do we talk about the leaders at the strip clubs or pornography stores? Do we talk about extramarital affairs? Do we talk about rejection? Do we talk about the fact that so many of our lives do not reflect Christ? Do we talk about the fact that we use prayer as a form of apathy? (I’ll scream at the next prayer vigil outside of crime scene…They’re gone! Focus on the living and problem prevention). Nope… We’re talking about a Red Cup.

So please fellow Christians, save your mindless religious rhetoric for your closed social circles of narrow thinking. We could actually learn something from the Starbucks cup. Learn how to serve the masses without losing your identity. Everyone that is drinking from the cup still knows that they are drinking Starbucks. My question is this, does everyone that meets you realize they are meeting a Christian?

Unapologetically,

Arizona

 P.S. I’m typing this while sitting in Starbucks…sipping a peppermint mocha from my Red Cup

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